The Chool Bus (ch38)

CHAPTER 38: Thanksgiving dinner with Jack’s family in Savannah, Georgia.

The house was pregnant with autumn olfactory assaults, sage, pumpkin spice, and simmering family traditions: food, spirits, and the “Scarlet P.” At one side of the long table sat Chloe, immaculate in a tailored cream turtleneck, radiating the polished, certain energy of a libertarian pundit who just signed a three-year own the libs book advance. Directly across, her favorite fightin’ cousin Jack, leaning forward in his trademark Thanksgiving navy-blue overalls, tapping his index finger trying, like always, to apply selective hearing as Chloe, grown less and less willing to leave the Scarlet P off the Thanksgiving table, droned on about unelected meddling federal bureaucrats.

Between them sat the traditional battleground: a glistening, perfectly basted twenty-pound turkey, wine, stuffing, cranberry sauce, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the Forks secretly looking forward to this legendary battle of matched wits.

The spark caught when Buck politely declined the candied yams.

“Good idea,” Jack announced, he and Buck agreed about Americans’ obsession with sugar. “No offense to Aunt Jean’s dish, but it’s always been a bit too sweet for my taste. Besides, it’s time to break the system promoting food and beverages loaded with sugar and high-fructose corn syrup to marginalized communities. Old habits die hard ya know.” Jack was waxing eloquent. “For a gustatory shock, give Japanese hard candy a try one of these days. My first exposure had me wondering… ‘where’s the sugar?’ It’s a totally different system there.”

Chloe dabbed her mouth with a cloth napkin, letting a patronizing, camera-ready smile bloom across her face. “Jack, daaarling. The only thing systemic at this table is your inability to eat a carbohydrate without turning it into a class-struggle talking-point. Are you going to debate the yams, or are you going to pass them to someone who actually believes in personal joy?”

Uncle Fred let out a low whistle from the corner. “Round one…ding, ding, ding.”

Jack didn’t miss a beat. He leaned in, his retort spinning at three hundred words per minute. “I believe in joy, Chloe. I just prefer my joy aligned with verifiable facts, preferably from recognized communities of experts, peer-reviewed, and buttressed by double-blind tests for iron-clad veracity. Speaking of credible sources, i noticed your peanut-butter pie has a store-bought crust. Don’t you usually do that from scratch? Is this your way of pulling yourself up by the bootstraps? You know that’s physically impossible, right? Try levitating the cranberry sauce over here.”

A ripple of laughter echoed down the table. Cousin Sam slapped the mahogany. “It’s true! I tried that. I put on my boots, grabbed the straps, and tried to pull myself up. Levitate…? Ha! That’s one of my favorite Dr Hook songs.”

“Sure, you got me, the crust was pre-made in a grocery store,” said Chloe. “Most likely mass produced, even. But i brought something better than homemade pie crust,” Chloe adjusted her cuffs. “I brought cash to pay for groceries. Because unlike some, whose entire ideology is dedicated to complaining about capitalism from their iPhones paid for through their parents’ family wireless plans, i actually understand market logic. Every day, i expose the hypocrisy of keyboard warriors planning revolution from their climate-controlled Brooklyn lofts.”

“Are you sure those lofts aren’t shared with three roommates because they can’t afford private housing due to venture capitalists turning the market into a casino?” Jack shot back, his hands gesturing in rapid, geometric chops. “But that’s fine. I know it’s hard for you to grasp structural inequity when your entire aesthetic is ‘I read Thomas Sowell once and made it my entire personality.’ You don’t have political philosophy, Chloe, you have a Pinterest board of 1950s tax codes.”

Aunt Jean nearly choked on her sweet tea. “Bless her heart, not the Pinterest board!”

Chloe’s eyes gleamed. She was in her element. “And your entire aesthetic is ‘I have a fancy high-tech degree and now i yell at people faster than they can blink.’ You don’t have conversations, Jack. You just have verbal seizures. If you spoke at a normal human cadence, your students would realize you’re just an over-educated shithead with a Bernie Sanders crush.”

“A fast repartee is only a seizure to someone who processes data at dial-up speeds,” Jack retorted, zeroing in. “It’s okay, take your time. I know you’re used to the teleprompter feeding you rebuttals on behalf of the billionaire class. But tell me, Chloe, when Elon finally colonizes Mars, do you think he’s gonna let you ride on the bridge, or are you gonna have to podcast from the cargo bay with the gear?”

The table erupted. Uncle Reggie had to put his fork down, laughing so hard he wheezed. “Cargo bay! He put you in the trunk, Chloe!”

Chloe broke character for a fraction of a second, a genuine smirk slipping through her practiced composure. She reached out and smoothly handed Jack the bowl of macaroni and cheese.

“Eat your dairy, Jack,” Chloe purred, her voice dripping with absolute mock-sweetness. “Your brain needs the glucose to figure out why socialism fails every single time it’s tried. Maybe you can run a quick regression analysis on the cheddar to Velveeta ratio.”

Jack accepted the bowl, scooping a generous portion onto his plate. He looked up, matching her smirk perfectly. “Thank you, Chloe. And make sure you get some of them collard greens. It’s the closest you’ll get to acknowledging your roots all year.”

The table descended into absolute pandemonium. Jimmie fell entirely out of his chair. Aunt Jean was waving a napkin in the air like a surrender flag, tears streaming down her face, while Uncle Ronnie just kept shouting, “Stop the fight! Stop the fight!”

Chloe threw her head back and let out an unpolished laugh, breaking the tension completely. She raised her crystal glass of Moscato in the direction of the turkey. Jack grinned, tapping his water glass against his fork in a mock salute. The scarlet P was put on pause, the audience was thoroughly entertained, and the gravy was finally passed.

And this scene almost didn’t happen. The Chool Bus almost didn’t make it to Georgia as circumstances began pulling on Professor T like a magnet. He needed to get back home in time to work through the sexual harassment case brought by Abigail Weiser’s corrupt attorneys. Professor T was certain all was not as it seemed, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it with what legal assistance he could afford on a mid-level academic’s salary. But Jack assured Mork the delay would be worth it as his extended family was exceedingly entertaining, especially at the annual Thanksgiving Feast.

Jack was right, and after the food and spirited debates were spent, the Forks made their way to the Bus and began the three-day journey back to home base for the holidays. Professor T was confident he would prevail in his campaign to establish innocence. If he and Abigail weren’t able to reconcile afterwards, that would be on her, he thought.

NEXT WEEK:
The Forks return home for the holidays and Professor T copes with a disappointing verdict in the troubles with Abigail Weiser.

GO BACK => Preface and Chapter Links

Audiovision: 86 the Boogeymen

Or… Why Can’t we be FRIENDS?

And now, another desperate yawp from my perch atop a high rise bar-stool in the Texas A&M “Tejas Lounge”. Not really a bar… more like a living room in a co-ed dorm… people saunter to and fro. Holiday lights are hung by student workers piloting mobile telescoping scaffolds that make that garbage truck reverse warning BEEP BEEP BEEP whenever moved. Now, that sound is somewhat annoying, but nothing bothers me… i’ve raised boys… and if you know… you know. After that, NOTHING in the way of annoying sounds can break my concentration.

Anyway… i’ve been meaning to compose a piece aimed at one of the many things that keeps my beloved loopers at each other’s metaphorical throats. And yeah, some of them are prone to discuss the possibility of moving from bellicose words in the social chat threads to destructive action in the real world. My hunch is much of that talk is just that, empty posturing… just words. But i also believe there are loopers out there that would spring into action if they thought the “boogaloo” was actually on. This is a bothersome thought, but i was raised in an era where, at any moment, we could be coping with the chaos of city-obliterating nuclear exchanges. After surviving the Cold War, a few deluded psychopaths with guns and terminal bloodlust isn’t really that scary. In fact, these poor creatures desperate for validation are kind of pathetic, and i can’t help feeling sorry for them. Now, this is not a political statement. I know loopers on both sides of the artificial divide who take pride in their gun handling skills and unabashed hostility regarding political “enemies”.

So… today, i’d like to take a stab at defanging the ideological “boogeymen” cited in weak justifications for contemplating the murder of neighbors, acquaintances, or participants in distant social unrest (looking at you, Mr. Rittenhouse). Now, to be clear, distrust, and ill-will is clearly coming from the very top of our political hierarchy. From the right, the smoldering embers of racist fear and loathing leveraged to the maximus surpacity, with some success as politicians take steps to rid the nation of anyone not in possession of certified proof of citizenship. On the left, we have protesters warning of some sort of impending fascist coup, aimed at eliminating the democratic ship of state, among other issues. For one, the documented fact that law enforcement officials are far more likely to perceive bodily threat to the point of deploying lethal force when the threat is a person of color. This all came to a head with the death of George Floyd, and it led to a “summer of racial reckoning” leaving quite a bit of property damage in its wake.

Then came the #metoo and #blacklivesmatter movements infuriating those wishing to preserve what’s left of a patriarchal power structure favoring white dudes over people of color, but especially women, let alone women of color. So, imagine the seething fury of one of these “rugged individualist” alpha male types trying to cope with the likes of a Michelle Obama, Kamala Harris, Jasmine Crocket. Right? So many social media keyboards are coated with spittle flecks coming from the rabid foaming mouth of an alt-right edge lord, putting those uppity folk who have clearly forgotten their place in their rightful cages.

All must be “made great again”.

And so… both sides get on their favorite hobby horses with their metaphorical spears and magic helmets to slay the forces of their chosen ideological boogeymen. For those on the left, the boogeyman is turning the U.S.A. toward an ethnonationalist “fascism” similar to the one that infected Western Europe in the wake of the great depression. For the right the boogeyman is the Marxist camel trying to get its nose into their sacred Constitutional Republic’s tent. Because, you know socialism ALWAYS leads to injustice and mass atrocities… everybody knows, right? Besides, the camel stinks and makes funny noises.

So, shall we now pour some cold water on this dichotomy? Let’s open a few historical cautionary tales starting to look familiar as current events unfold. Starting from the left… the most egregious examples of regimes widely described as authoritarian socialist ruling as single-party states include the Soviet Union (especially under Stalin), the People’s Republic of China (especially under Mao), North Korea, and the Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia.

In Stalinist U.S.S.R., there was a rapid, forced buildup of industrial capacity and collectivized agriculture. These efforts to strengthen the nation, unfortunately, contributed to mass starvation, most notably some areas of Ukraine. It also featured extensive political repression, including the Great Purge, a campaign of surveillance, mass arrests, and executions of perceived enemies of the state, with many sent to Gulag concentration camps.

In China, Under the leadership of Mao Zedong, extreme social and economic upheaval featuring a similar push for societal change, including the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution led to widespread famine, social chaos, persecution of the educated classes, and millions of deaths. The Chinese Communist Party has maintained a single-party, authoritarian system since taking power, which is considered highly repressive of dissent and civil liberties (see Tiananmen Square massacre).

Today, countries like China, Cuba, North Korea, Laos, and Vietnam are considered by many observers to be authoritarian states with ruling communist parties that exercise significant control over the economy and suppress political opposition. Loopers conflating U.S. socialist public policy (Social Security, Medicare, ACA, etc. ) with the abovementioned authoritarian communist examples, unfairly brand Democratic politicians with a scarlet “S”. But this is understandable considering the “conservative” mindset of eternal vigilance against the constant threat of “barbarians” outside their doors… they truly fear their Boogeymen.

Now, from the right, the most egregious examples of authoritarian fascism in history are considered to be Nazi Germany under Adolf Hitler, Fascist Italy under Benito Mussolini, and the Empire of Japan during the 1930s and 40s.

Nazi Germany is widely regarded as the most extreme and devastating example due to its systematic use of genocide and state terror. And though there’s really no need to belabor decades of History Channel cautionary tales, it’s important to note Nazism was based on a pseudo-scientific theory of racial hierarchy, promoting the idea of an “Aryan master race” and identifying Jews and other minorities as scapegoats for Germany’s problems. Their Atrocities include the well documented systematic, state-sponsored genocide of millions, including Romas, people with disabilities, political opponents, and roughly six million Jews in concentration and extermination camps.

And then there’s Il Duce. Mussolini’s fascism emphasized extreme nationalism, the glorification of war, and a corporatist economic model designed to suppress labor movements and consolidate state power. The regime utilized black-shirted paramilitary forces to dismantle free speech, intimidate and murder political opponents. It later passed antisemitic racial laws and cooperated with Nazi Germany during the Holocaust.

And rounding out the WWII Axis Alliance was Imperial Japan who’s military committed widespread atrocities, including mass murder and human rights violations considered on the same level as the European genocides. The ideology centered on emperor-worship, extreme nationalism, and the concept of a “Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere” to justify military conquest and imperial rule across Asia.

And let’s not overlook the Balkans and Spain. The Independent State of Croatia under Ante Pavelić‘s Ustaše regime committed some of history’s worst atrocities and advocated for a “Greater Croatia” at the expense of Serbs. And Francisco Franco‘s long-lasting Spanish military dictatorship, while not a pure fascist regime, absorbed many elements of the Falange fascist movement and implemented mass arrests and human rights violations.

Sam Clemons put it best. History may not repeat by rote, but very often rhymes with current events (see above… astonishing deja vous bars). And we’ve already mentioned how, with just about every attempt to build and maintain government run enterprise under the heading of “serving the people” in matters too big for private enterprise to manage without coordinated planning, the political left is branded with the Scarlet “S”. But now, with the right, loopers who have determined government run enterprise inferior to the invisible hand of market forces, have been hoping for a chance to “drown the U.S. federal government in the tub” after shrinking it down to a drownable size. These loopers are now in power, and the tactics they have employed look a lot like authoritarian fascism.

But, here’s the deal. Democratic leadership has yet to employ the authoritarian communist policies conservatives fear (Jade Helm, gun confiscation, etc.), and, so far, the right has not begun rounding up undesirables for mass extermination (that we know of). And they haven’t yet succeeded in overturning U.S. democracy in favor of an all powerful executive with a lifetime appointment (yet). They do make these kind of noises in the form of online trolling (Bannon’s “flood the zone” strategy), but getting their political opponents riled up is most of the point. Worst-case scenarios are most likely not part of the plan (call me overoptimistic, i’ve heard worse).

Bottom line, neither of these political boogeymen are anything more than red herrings, mirages meant to keep their respective bases outraged enough to make sure to vote when the time comes. So, if we can take a couple steps back from the outrage machines, acknowledge both sides have good and bad ideas. And since neither side will be free to put members of the other in ovens, it behooves us to get back to reasoned debate. Stop demonizing the “other” and look for ways for all of us to work together, identify common concerns, and draft policies that can accomplish agreed upon goals.

And with all of that said… seriously, the left is not going to “Cultural Revolution” the right out of existence, and the right is not going to march undesirables into ovens. OK? Ok! So, let’s now address the elephant in the room… let’s talk about religion. As much as i’d love to avoid the topic altogether, it’s unavoidable. We have at least two, maybe three supreme court jurists identifying with a sect of Christianity that is actively working toward a power structure placing apocalyptic Christians in total governmental primacy. They are literally working on ways to delete secular, pluralistic governance in favor of an ethno-nationalist monarchy. Do i believe they will succeed?? Hell… to the no! But the fact that this is in the works, and they’ve managed to capture the White House, the Speaker of the House and at least two SCOTUS justices is beyond anything i would have imagined in all of my adult life.

And the founders were unambiguous about the prohibition of religion capturing the levers of power. There will be no “official religion”. The sooner we can get the wall of Church/State separation rebuilt, the better. This has to be job #1! After that, time to drop the wedge issues and rancorous, bad faith rhetoric. Seriously, i don’t know ANYONE who wants to eliminate local police departments. Maybe divert some of the “socialist” resources to “community policing” and counseling, but only a delusional crazy person would take us back to the libertarian “wild west” days of vigilante justice. Full stop… there will be no defunding of the police. At the same time, no one i know wants their neighbors to stop going to their chosen church, or stop celebrating Christmas. It’s all just rage bait…. grow up people! Please let’s cut the stupid shit all the way out.

If you were to put a gun to my head for an answer to our current state of divisiveness, i would say forcing mainstream news organizations and health care practitioners into capitalist imperatives comes closer to the core of our cultural and economic strife than the spittle-flecked pseudo-debates over extreme abstractions such as “communism” or “fascism”. I know… it’s an opinion, and my opinion is about as good as anyone else’s. I’m just another slob … like Werner Herzog, or David Letterman, or Jesus… you know, one of us. But i do have skin in this game. I want to see a tenable future for my kids… that some day they too can thrive in a world they would be glad to welcome new souls into.

Right now, it’s not…!
So let’s do this thing, what do you say?
Let’s 86 these boogeymen together… OK? Ok!

Onward through the fog… Rohlfie